


i want to know everything

by hufflebee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post 2x07, Talking, my take on a fix it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflebee/pseuds/hufflebee
Summary: (...)And then-” Magnus breathed out a laugh-“you get me this gift, completely out of nowhere, just because. And this is only the most recent example of how different you are in my life already. How special you are in my life.”post 2x07





	

**Author's Note:**

> i know there are already so many fics of this, but i wanted to get it off my chest and write it out, i hope you enjoy it  
> tumblr: hufflebee

On his way to Magnus’, Alec had almost turned around five times, his mind unable to stop. What if Magnus didn’t want him, what if Alec was bad at this, what if he froze up in the moment and ruined it?

So when he finally got to the loft, he decided to focus on doing and feeling instead. To just go for it, no overthinking, no thinking in general.

After assuring Magnus and himself that he wanted this, Alec continued kissing Magnus while moving them towards the bedroom, focused on the feeling of Magnus’ lips against his and Magnus’ body under his touch. He felt a sort of urgency in doing this, trying to move quicker than his thoughts could get in the way of this.

Suddenly, he felt Magnus’ hands on his chest, but they were pushing him away.

Alec broke the kiss and he felt a wave of dread go through his entire body at the look on Magnus’ face.

“Alexander, wait,” Magnus said carefully, his expression closed off and on guard, something Alec was so unused to seeing. It made his stomach turn and his heart clench.

“You don’t want this,” he realized suddenly. “And I just kept going, by the Angel, Magnus, I am so sorry, I-”

Magnus interrupted him by pressing a finger softly to his lips. The familiarity of the gesture made Alec’s heart unclench just a bit.

“It’s okay, I promise, I’m not upset with you,” Magnus whispered, his hands moving to rest against Alec’s neck, thumbs stroking his jaw softly.

“I’m so sorry, it was wrong of me to just assume you’d want this just because I did.”

Magnus sighed and dropped his hands to take hold of Alec’s own, gently guiding Alec to sit beside him on the bed.

“Alexander, I do want this, I want you,” Magnus said, his eyes on Alec, his voice quiet but sure.

“But not now, now there is something wrong,” Alec replied.

“You’re right.” Magnus took a deep breath. “First off, are you sure you don’t want to have sex just because you now have someone to have sex with?”

Alec froze, looking at Magnus while he processed the question. When it finally sunk in, Alec felt the familiar weight of guilt in his chest.  
“No, of course not, Magnus,” he said, moving his hands to Magnus’ face, his eyes never leaving Magnus’. “I want this because it’s you, because I care about you and I want to show you that in every way possible. There is no one else I want to share this with, no one. But only if you want that, too. And I’m not talking about just sex. The dates, the talking, opening myself up to someone, being cared for, I don’t want any of it if it’s not with you.”

Magnus nodded as much as Alec’s hands allowed him to and Alec placed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Okay, I just wanted to be sure,” Magnus said, his lips curving up in a small smile, but his eyes were still vary and unsure.

“It’s not just that, is it?”

Magnus opened his mouth to say something, but apparently changed his mind. It was another few moments before he finally spoke.

“Alexander, do you want to know when was the last time someone gave me a gift?”

The question seemed random, but Alec just nodded, encouraging Magnus to continue and dropping his hands back down to take a hold of Magnus’.

“Well, I don’t have an answer for you, because I honestly don’t remember. Everyone is always taking from me and asking things of me, and while I am thankful to have the ability to help so many of them, it gets exhausting. It gets lonely. And then-” Magnus breathed out a laugh-“you get me this gift, completely out of nowhere, just because. And this is only the most recent example of how different you are in my life already. How special you are in my life.”

Alec listened to Magnus intently, absorbing every word to try and understand. He thought Magnus was one of the most amazing, wonderful people he’s ever met and he couldn’t believe there were people who didn’t see that. He couldn’t believe that it’s been who knows how long since someone showed Magnus that.

“What I’m trying to say is that this is different for me, because you’re different. What I feel for you is different. In a good way, but also in a scary way.”

“Scary how?”

Magnus’ lips curled in a soft smile.

“I want you to see everything, to know everything about me. I want to open my heart to you more than I already have, more than I’ve ever dared to with anyone in centuries. It terrifies me. To realize I would gladly give you all of me, because I’ve been hurt many times by just giving people even the tiniest pieces.

I may be your first relationship, Alexander, but this is all just as new to me as it is to you. I don’t want to rush this and risk messing it up.”

Alec lifted a hand to Magnus’ cheek, placing it there gently; his heart aching at the way Magnus leaned into his touch.

“I want that, too. To know everything, but also to have you know everything,” Alec said. “I just thought since you’ve had relationships before, that sex was something you’d want to have as soon as possible. So I just tried to not overthink it, which somehow turned into not thinking at all. I’m sorry I pushed.”

“It’s okay, I promise,” Magnus said, his voice finally back to its soft and content tone and Alec felt his heart immediately lighten. “I just wanted us to talk about this, I want to make this special, not just for you, but for us. As I’ve said, you’re special to me and I want our first time to be true to that.”

Alec smiled and kissed him, the touch barely lasting a few moments. As he pulled away, Alec pressed his forehead against Magnus’.

“I like the sound of that.”

They stayed like that for a bit, just enjoying being close to each other, no rush and no unresolved feelings, before Magnus spoke.

“We could still just lay down for a while, kiss and cuddle before someone inevitably interrupts us.”

Alec breathed out a laugh at that and nodded, moving up to lay on the bed. He got comfortable on his side just as Magnus joined him, lying so that he was facing Alec and placing a hand to his chest. Alec moved his hand to Magnus’ hip, pulling them closer together.

They traded lazy kisses and soft touches, barely moving for what could have been hours, neither of them paying any mind to the time. Soon, Jace would barge in, looking for both of them to tell them about the angel and Valentine, but for right now, they enjoyed their little corner of the universe, together.


End file.
